Marriage Counseling Did Not Prepare Us For Our First Fight.

At my wedding shower, one of my best friends gave me a darling gift. In it there were wine bottles that were specially picked and specially made with labels of Matt and me on them. Each had an important life milestone that couples go through in the first few years. Some included our wedding night, our first valentines, our first fight, our first new years (champagne), our first home, and our fist baby (sparkling apple juice, and no, we have not opened that one yet). 

The first one we got to open together was our wedding night one, and the second one we opened very shortly after that. 

There are 2 things I currently feel like sharing about marriage. The first is that it is an absolute blast! I remember when I was engaged, I heard so much negativity from both friends and strangers. The loudest voices are often the loudest because of their own hurt and anger with their own story. People would often say, "The first year is the hardest!" Well thanks buddy, I have no way of skipping that, but thanks for your encouragement....

I would like to take a second to be the voice of hope to you people about to be married. Being married is so much fun! There is something so sweet about being married to my best friend. I get to come home to him every day, no matter how crazy the day has been and be myself in the comfort of another soul. I love it. We laughed our way through our first year of marriage and stayed clear of some of those super 'encouraging' people. 

 While it is a blast, it is also one of the hardest things I have done so far. The second bottle of wine that we opened, very shortly after the first, was the first fight one, which was probably opened during our first week of marriage (we were clearly killing it). Here was the situation: it is bedtime and we are cuddled in our little baby bed that Matt had owned for way too many years (literally  had a dip in the middle so we would role onto each other. Not nearly as romantic as it may seem. I would hold onto the side of the bed to avoid rolling). I am a person who LOVES the fan on at night, like really loves it. I would install 17 more if I could. I like the sound and the feeling. My sweet husband on the other hand HATES fans. He would like to rip out all of them and also kill the inventor of them. I feel like this is a topic that should probably be talked about in marriage counseling, but it wasn't so here we were. 

For the first bit, the fan just stayed on high all the time. Then Matt started to speak up and voice his hate. He would wake up angry as he told me all the horrible things a fan does to his body (maybe a little dramatic, but still clearly he was frustrated). Then there was one night when we slept with the fan off. Here is a fact about me: if I am hot at night, I am angry. Needless to say, 20 minutes after I woke up the next day, Matt literally made me get back into bed and crawl out the bottom because I had "gotten up on the wrong side of the bed" and I needed to try again (maybe a little dramatic, but still clearly I was frustrated). 

Needless to say, I found out very quickly just how selfish I really was. I had always thought I was a relatively selfless person. Apparently not, crap. This is the way that I had always done things, and this is how I was going to continue to do them. I was frustrated why he could not just see that and let me have my fan on full blast. Apparently that was not the right mindset to have. While marriage counseling did not cover the fan, I was told something helpful. I was told that my mindset had to change. I had to realize that if I won, it was not a victory, because he lost. If he looses, I lose. This was not a me verses him thing, we are a team. 

Okay, yay, Go Team! but lets keep the fan on. 

We talked through it, laughed a little and got out the bottle. I do want him to win. If he wins I win, and if we both have that mindset the chances of us coming to a compromise is pretty good. 

We have found a compromise for now. The fan is on mid-speed during the night. We found that his biggest complaint is waking up with it. Since I am up before noon, I am almost always awake before him. I turn off the fan immediately and he continues to sleep and wake up peacefully. Boom! GO team!  

This was our one year picture. Still big fans of each other, still laughing, and the fan is still there.

This was our one year picture. Still big fans of each other, still laughing, and the fan is still there.