Folks, it’s happening…. Actually happening! On Sunday, I am dancing across a stage because I’m freaking graduating!!!! No I’m not excited at all, Jokes! As my husband would say, I’m ‘Stoked!’
College for me was not at all what I thought it would be. I thought I would go to a big school to get my degree in psychology, stay there for 4 maybe 5 years if I wanted my masters, maybe meet a boy, graduate, and start a life off somewhere.
In real life, I went to a big school, met a boy after my first year, moved back after my second, married him in my third, took some time off, switched my major 4 times, and after 5 years am finally graduating in the town I started out in. Life!
The choices that went along with each of those choices that lead me here were all but easy. To start off, I had already put a deposit down on my rooming for a different school (Sorry dad!). I panicked and switched schools weeks before I graduated high school and ended up at FSU. Then I met Matt and a whole lot of freak outs right before my sophomore year. Is opening my heart and falling for a boy worth it? Then once my little heart was fully captured, I had to decide where to go. Do I stay up at school while my heart was 6 hours south? The whole time trying to figure out what the heck I wanted to do with my life. I don’t know who thought it was a good idea to have 18 year-olds try to pick the course of the rest of their lives… no pressure or anything.
All of the choices that I have made have lead me here, to my current life, a life that looks different than I ever thought it would right now. And I am content and happy,
but I think I could have been content and happy if I had made different choices as well.
With each of the choices that I made, I would ask God to be super loud so I could know which choice to make. For most of them, He wasn’t. At first that drove me crazy, I felt like he had shown me different options, put his hands up, stepped back and said, “Hope you pick the right one!”
One of my dear friends was recently trying to figure out what to do with her life. She could either spend the next year traveling the world which was her dream or stay here and continue to build her life here with the people she loved and an organization she was crazy about. Not such an easy choice. I’m pretty sure my exact words were, “Best of luck to you governor!” (In a British accent, because I’m helpful like that and British accents make all things right.)
She was frustrated because she could not for the life of her decide which one God wanted her to choose. She was talking through it with someone, giving him the lists of pros and cons she had come up with for each. The next part of their conversation went a little something like this:
“What does your dad think about you going?”
“He is really excited about it!”
“What does you dad think about you staying?”
“Well, he is really excited about that too!”
“Is it possible that God feels the same way?”
I have spent so much time worrying, praying and being frustrated that I didn’t know which was the right choice. It seemed like the choice was between God’s plan and not God’s plan, and man I hoped I picked right. I did not often feel like He was giving me the answer, so I would eventually get to the place where I would say,” Okay, I have no idea what to do, but I’m going to start walking through door A. If that’s not where I should go, slam it shut, otherwise, I’m going to keep moving.”
But what if God is excited about both options? I could have gone to the other college and done well with that adventure. I could have stuck with one of the 4 other majors I once was committed to and grown my passion for them. I could have chosen to stay up at FSU for my final few years and worked through long distance.
None of those are bad choices, they were just different, and God could have moved and used me as much had I followed one of those paths as he has on my current one.
I have spent so much time freaking out about choices, and in doing so I have limited God’s power and ability to make cool things happen no matter where I go. He didn’t throw up his hands when I picked FSU and walk away because he was counting on me going to the other school. He was excited for that adventure that we were about to go on.
And as I dance across the graduation stage and into the next stage of life, I can be excited for the adventures we will go on because of the choices that I will make.